June 30, 2009

This one will serve you will for the rest of your days - check the level of toilet paper BEFORE you sit down to do your business.

June 29, 2009

In case you haven't heard, we actually live in a car culture. Not everything in the universe is conveniently located by a walking path, bike trail or via public transit. I am all for reducing my carbon footprint, not wasting resources, saving the Earth for my grandchildren, but I live 25 miles away from work and I have to get there somehow. Get the hell off my back, honestly. I don't need a lecture first thing in the morning. Not really setting myself up for a grand old day...

June 26, 2009

Be a good person - pick up after your dog. And yes, I am indeed implying that you are a bad person if you don't do it.

June 25, 2009

When using a public restroom, flush the gosh darn toilet. 'Nuf said.

June 24, 2009

Should you work in a cubicle farm (like myself), DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, discuss test results or make sensitive doctor appointments at your desk. I couldn't give a rat's a$$ if you are making an appointment for a dental cleaning or eye exam. No big whoop. That being said, however, nothing with the following words should EVER be overheard at work:

• Penis (or any variation thereof including "penile" "penal")
• Ovary
• Uterus
• PAP Smear
• Cervical
• Breast
• Rectum
• Prostate
• Colon
• Wart
• Boil
• Anything else even the least bit remotely gross

June 23, 2009

Summer = hot weather; hot weather + people = sweat; sweat = funk; shower + deodorant > funk. Therefore...in hot weather, take a shower and wear deodorant so as to not smell. I don't care if you do it for yourself, do it for the rest of us.

And BTW, cheap-ass cologne or perfume do NOT cover funk.

June 22, 2009

Another traffic tip - the left lane is called the "fast lane" for a reason; people go FASTER there. If you know for a fact that you don't plan on keeping up with this crazy social compunction, keep to the right.

P.S.

Happy birthday to me!

June 19, 2009

There IS some truth to the old adage about adding an inch to your hemline for every 5 years over 30. Just because you CAN wear a minskirt doesn't mean you SHOULD wear one...

June 18, 2009

NEVER touch a stranger's child whilst out in public, particularly MY child, unless you want to draw back a nub. I don't know you, I don't know where your hands have been, I don't know if you are going to hurt her - stay away. Seriously.

June 17, 2009

If you are trying to do a little something-something for Mother Earth and are recycling aluminum cans, make ABSOLUTELY SURE the cans are empty before you crush them. Trust me on this one.

Bonus hint - 6/16

Traffic signals only come in the one shade of green. It is what it is - if you see ANYTHING in the green family, hit the gas (it's the vertical pedal on the right) and just freaking go.

June 16, 2009

You're never too old for a nap. Always remember that.

Today's Hint for Life

Coke Zero + Big Red Chewing Gum = BAD.