December 31, 2009

Party hearty, but don't drink and drive. No, seriously, just don't.

December 22, 2009

When you are leaving a room or building and there is someone DIRECTLY behind you, hold the damn door for her. It is ridiculously rude to not do it, and it will require a whopping one second of your time.

December 21, 2009

Unless you are under the age of 5 or actually ON a farm, overalls are never a good idea.

December 17, 2009

Yes, it is only 8 days until Christmas. No, you do not need to run my a$$ over at the WalMart to get to the f*cking Brut gift sets. I'm just sayin'...

December 16, 2009

Personal space is your friend, particularly if you have some body odor issues. I should NEVER be able to touch you, smell you or feel your breath on the back of my neck. Back it up there, buttercup.

Your 4-wheel-drive vehicle is actually designed to help you get OUT of the ditch you slid into while driving 70 mph in white-out conditions. It is NOT designed to KEEP you out of the ditch. Slow down.

December 10, 2009

I don't care if your body temp makes you feel like you are in a furnace - do not wear shorts when the wind chill is -18. You look like you should be riding the short bus.

December 8, 2009

FYI - Turning your remaining headlight on bright does NOT compensate for the fact that you are missing one. All it does it make other drivers hate you. There is either a Wal-Mart or an auto parts store every twenty feet. Spend the 5 bucks.

December 7, 2009

If you make your living as a copywriter, learn how to f***ing write. Otherwise other people have to waste their time fixing your crap and get bad karma because they are secretly plotting your death.

December 3, 2009

Don't leave the house with wet hair when the temp is below freezing. Hairsicles are not a good look and they are a bitch to brush out.

December 1, 2009

Keep your perk to yourself. Especially before 6 am. It's too damn early for that sh*t.