November 30, 2009

Don't wear open-toed shoes and panty hose. You look like a tard.

November 24, 2009

This one goes out to the great state of Minnesota. If you are going to drive like a bat out of hell in the snow - and I know you are - then don't slam on your damn brakes and cruise along like a little old lady when it is sprinkling rain.

November 23, 2009

Orange Glo makes your hardwood floors slippier. Plan ahead. If just might save you from sliding onto your arse. It will thank you.

November 18, 2009

Don't cuss in front of your kids. It may seem funny for little Johnny to bust out the f-word, but, trust me - the rest of the world is judging you and has pretty much decided that you are the worst parent in the world.

November 17, 2009

Ladies of the workforce - a few hints. 1. Wear a bra. Especially when it's cold. 2. Take a shower. Slathering yourself in perfume doesn't count. 3. Tone down the old makeup. Don't come to work looking like a wh*re. That's all I got. Follow those and live a long and happy life.

November 10, 2009

Feed your dogs some peanut butter now and then. It's a win-win. They like the taste, and you will laugh your a$$ off whilst they try to get it off the roof of their mouth.

November 5, 2009

If you are going to do some shopping whilst at your desk, you might want to think twice about giving your credit card number and VIN. We can hear you, by the way.

November 2, 2009

For all of you men out there. Never, ever, ever, ever tell the woman in your life the following:

1. You look fat/you gained weight
2. Your hair is going gray
3. You have a few wrinkles around your eyes or mouth
4. "The girls" are not as perky as they used to be
5. Some other woman is more attractive than you
6. Some other man is more attractive than you

You're going to want to trust me on this one. Forget that "scorning" business - there is no fury like a woman embarrassed. They have fury AND determination at that point. Strange things could be afoot. If you want to take your chances by saying some of these things, you're on your own - they're your nuts...